When it comes to understanding the concept of God as a "personal God," who loves me, cares for me, and desires to have a relationship with me, I just don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me; I feel awkward when I pray, and just don't understand how, out of 6 billion people, I matter a hill of beans to the guy who created the universe. Surely, having done that, he has much more important concerns than lowly I . . . Logically, I can convince myself that God exists, but it doesn't go much beyond that. So, that's where I'm stuck, and have been stuck, for the past number of years.
He did more than create this vast and complex universe. The reason why out of some six billion people you, as a unique person, matter to God can be very succinctly stated: he also created you. Given what you have said elsewhere in this thread, I have a hunch that your view of God has more in common with Deism than with Christianity; e.g., "I view God as some abstract figure somewhere far off in the distance." It is inherently difficult to develop or even recognize a relationship with a God who created the entire cosmos and then stepped back while the universe developed under its own impetus. There is no point of contact with such a God; it feels like several billion years of evolution separates you from the last time God had anything to do with his creation. Ergo, he makes sense analytically but not on the personal level at which you exist.
That's a significant obstacle. So I suggest that the first step you need to take in order to bridge this awkward chasm is to evaluate your view of God. Currently your view of God, being more similar to Deism than anything, makes it practically impossible to develop a relationship with God. So sit back and ask yourself, "How is it I came to have this view of God? What informed my view? Is it accurate?" The only reason we know that God is more than some transcendent abstract entity—the only reason we know anything about God at all—is because he disclosed information about himself to mankind. Let me flesh out this concept allegorically.
A friend of Morgan's told her that there exists some writer named David, and had sufficient evidence for that claim enough for Morgan to accept it analytically. However, on the personal level it was practically meaningless to her. She had no idea who David is, other than what was provided by the proposition about his existence and that he is a writer. She may contemplate about him, trying to infer what she can from the fact that he is a writer, but in the final analysis he is a proposition, not a person. Yet what if she came across a number of books he had written not only about himself, describing his character and values, but also about things he had said to this person and done at that place, etc.? It stands to reason that David would then mean something more to her than he did before, because now she knows so much more about him as a person. There is still no personal connection between them, but he has certainly assumed enough new dimensions that she can see him as a person. (Real world example: at one point Barack Obama was nothing more meaningful to me than a name, until I read his autobiography. There is no personal connection between he and I, but for me he is now more than just a name; he is a person.) But now imagine that in one of the letters she discovered that David is her father, that she belongs to him. It stands to reason that he would then mean a great deal more to her than he ever did. By exploring what David had revealed about himself, for Morgan he went from being an empty proposition to a meaningful person—with whom she could have a relationship, and to whom she meant a lot.
Now maybe this allegory is too simplistic, perhaps it has some weakness in its relationship to the point I am trying to make here, but just keep in mind that it's being recommended more for its illustrative power than its accuracy. You believe that God created the universe, and that's certainly accurate. However, he did more than just create the universe. He also created you, which is one good reason why you matter "a hill of beans" to this Almighty Creator. You are not some inconsequential accident of nature that barely registers in significance on the scale of the vast cosmos. You are a significant creation of God himself, someone whose significance is such that God went to inexpressible ends in order to claim you through adoption into his family. And I say these things because I am deeply familiar with and convinced by the information God has disclosed about himself to mankind, which is both how and why God is for me more than an analytic proposition. For me, Obama went from being an empty name to a real person because I spent time learning about him from the things he revealed about himself. God went from being a proposition to a significant person the same way; but he came to mean so much more when I discovered that not only do I belong to him but also that he went to profound ends to adopt me as a child into his family.
So that is my encouragement to you. The more time you spend exploring and genuinely meditating upon the things God has revealed about himself, his character and actions, and how it relates to you as his own purposeful creation, the easier it will become to have that relationship with him which has thus far eluded you. It will often feel more like a 'long distance relationship' than a daily person-to-person relationship but God also explains why things are (for now) this way, with the promise that the day is coming when the distance that sin has wedged between us and God will be done away with, once this final battle has been fought and decisively concluded, and we will once again enjoy the Edenic paradise we are ultimately intended for.
Going to church is downright depressing. Walking into church with 1,000 people who do "get it" makes me feel inferior (they get it but I don't), defective, and just plain old dumb. What do they know that I don't? is what I'm thinking . . . My faith, such as it is, is always weaker leaving church than it is when I go.
I also want to point out that a relationship with God is not characterized only by euphoric praising and such. I see that too, in church, with people raising their arms in joyful expressions of awe as they worship. But that is only part of the picture. After church there is the rest of Sunday afternoon and the journey from Monday all the way to Saturday filled with the mundane pressures of this life we live. And you know this, I'm sure. I could be one of those people at your church who looks like they "get it" to you, but you have no idea what I am dealing with in my life or what my Tuesday evening looks like. I guarantee you that there are times where you would look at me and think, "Maybe he doesn't get it either, like me." (Perhaps even more so because, like you, I am rather stoic in the emotional arena. I do feel, but I don't wear it on my sleeve. I exercise a degree of control over my emotions that could be characterized as Vulcan, amplified by my love for logic.)
And by the way? I am also confident enough to guarantee you that most of those 1,000 people are indeed faking it (i.e., their behavior in church is diametrically inconsistent with their behavior otherwise). It might be politically incorrect to say such things about church people but I've never had much respect for political correctness. In my life, candid honesty takes priority. They won't admit it because there is such a sensitivity for the integrity of faith, but many of those people are indistinguishable from unbelievers the rest of the week—unfamiliar with Scripture, do not know anything about God, can’t explain salvation, etc. I think it's a good thing that you have within you this longing to feel a connection with God, but don't allow yourself to think that they "get it" while you don't. Some of them are in the same boat you're in, and others "get it" even less than you do. Don't feel inferior, defective, or dumb. There is no need to feel weaker leaving the service. I encourage you to pursue this longing you have, but never compare yourself to others because you have no idea if their behavior at church is a product of faith or just a social performance.
And finally, a relationship with God is not based "soley on emotions and love." A relationship with God is based on a commitment to him. The emotional feeling of love for God comes with time as you get to know him, which is a product of your sanctification, a process that never ends on this side of the resurrection. There were several years between my commitment to God and my love for him. My love for God, and how much I love him, was a work in progress. I did not exit my conversion with love for God. Reverence? Humility? Respect? Yes. But love only came after I got to know him, which took years of spending time genuinely exploring the gospel of his Son Jesus Christ and the ministry of his apostles, sometimes on my own but mostly through the help of others far more mature than I in their knowledge of God and relationship to him.
If Jesus is God, then Jesus should get as much "airtime" as God does . . . If Jesus is mentioned once, God is mentioned 100 times. If they are essentially one and the same, why aren't they referred to equally? This is a tangent, but something that's been troubling me so.
If Jesus is God, then he was being mentioned 101 times.
It is so easy to think of 'God' as being a name and a person distinct from Jesus. It's not. When we are talking about God, that doesn't mean we are failing to talk about Jesus. 'God' is who he is, and 'Jesus' is his name (or the English version of the Greek Iesous).
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